


(never imagined we'd) end like this

by onakissgodknows



Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, Not Beta Read, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-25 11:04:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13832829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onakissgodknows/pseuds/onakissgodknows
Summary: Leaving isn’t his decision, but damn, he can choose to burn every bridge he built here and leave the place ablaze if he wants to.





	(never imagined we'd) end like this

**Author's Note:**

  * For [saddestboner](https://archiveofourown.org/users/saddestboner/gifts).



> You know what I haven't thought about in ages? The Tulo trade. You know what hurts to think about? The Tulo trade.
> 
> This is based on the prompt "last kiss" and the title, fittingly, is from "Last Kiss" by Taylor Swift.

_July 27, 2015_

They say you shouldn’t act in anger because it leads to rash decisions, but in this instance Troy thinks he’s entitled to a little anger.

A little anger that bubbles up inside him and overflows until he’s shouted himself hoarse at Walt Weiss (who doesn’t deserve it) and Jeff Bridich (who does).

Leaving isn’t his decision, but damn, he can choose to burn every bridge he built here and leave the place ablaze if he wants to.

After he’s done, his throat burning, he goes back to the hotel ahead of the rest of the team, because he doesn’t need to watch them get walked off, and he doesn’t need to see any of them, but what he does need to do is pack and go home. Home, then leave the country, apparently, since he’s expected in Toronto tomorrow.

He stares at the open suitcase on the hotel bed and tries to grapple with the fact that his entire world has just turned upside down, and nothing is ever going to be the same again.

There’s a knock at his door, quiet at first, then it gets more insistent until Troy makes his feet move across the carpet and his hand lift to open the door.

It’s Nolan, which he expected, and the second the door shuts Nolan throws himself at him, engulfs Troy in a hug, tight enough that it’s almost like Nolan thinks if he holds onto him enough he won’t have to leave.

Troy’s numb – his hands hang useless at his sides before he finally lifts them to stroke Nolan’s back gently. “You aren’t supposed to know yet.”

“Whatever.” Nolan’s voice is muffled, his face buried against Troy’s shoulder. “I don’t know where, though. Where are they sending you?”

Troy heaves a sigh. “Toronto.”

“Jesus.” His hair is prickly against Troy’s neck; he’s in one of those phases where he keeps his hair buzzed rather than letting it grow out, and Troy shifts uncomfortably. Nolan finally lets go of him and scrubs a palm over his eyes. “You’ll probably make the postseason, Tulo! You’ll have to tell me what that’s like.”

Troy doesn’t want to have to get traded to be a contender. He wants to be a contender right where he is and bring a championship back to Denver. Troy wanted to play there forever and retire a Rockies legend like Helton, but he should have known better.

Nolan glances around the room and his eyes land on the suitcase on Troy’s bed. “Are you leaving tonight?” He fixes his glance back on Troy and there are hints of uncertainty and betrayal in his eyes.

As if any of this is Troy’s fault. “What did you think was going to happen?”

“Uh.” Nolan lets out a nervous laugh. “Not this.”

“You knew before you came in here I was gone, what did you think was going to happen?” Troy turns his back on him and goes back to his suitcase. Everything he brought is already in it (he packed for Chicago, not Toronto) but he starts refolding socks so he doesn’t have to look at Nolan.

He hears Nolan pacing behind him. “What, you were going to leave without saying goodbye?”

Troy knows what they mean they say “blood boiling” in reference to anger now. The fire in his veins isn’t going to go out anytime soon. And yes, if he could have gotten out of here without saying goodbye he would have. Make it an easy break. He didn’t want this, but if it has to happen, maybe he can pretend Toronto is a do-over. He can go there and hit restart on his life and his career.

He turns around to face Nolan again, whose shoulders are slumped and his dark eyes are all worried, but he’s looking at Troy like Troy’s going to say something to make it okay. Like, _fix it, Tulo, please_.

It makes him mad. Nolan can’t expect Troy to make this better.

“I didn’t expect to see any of you before I left tonight. They haven’t made the announcement yet,” Troy says sharply, and he wishes – he wishes Nolan had just stayed away and let him hurt on his own tonight, because he’s going to say something he’ll regret.

“So you were just going to _leave_?” Nolan’s voice rises in pitch. “You were gonna, what – text me tomorrow when you were already gone?”

Maybe not even tomorrow. Maybe a few days after he’s had a chance to cool down.

Nolan shakes his head, looking at him in disbelief. “Not cool, man, I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Nolan’s not going to get traded. It’ll probably be CarGo next if the Rockies are planning to rebuild, maybe DJ after him if DJ’s lucky. Nolan’s somebody the Rockies will want to build around. Then again, Troy had thought _he_ might be that guy, so maybe Nolan will get out of here before he has to go through a rebuild. Troy doesn’t want that for him, whatever else he feels.

Nolan’s still pacing. “You were really gonna – you don’t get to decide that! That’s not fair, Tulo, what the fuck – “

“Don’t even fucking start on fair with me right now,” Troy snaps. “ _Unfair_ is getting lied to by your own organization after nine _fucking_ years – “

“I didn’t do that!” Nolan shoots back. “If you’re mad, you get to be mad, but you don’t have to take it out on _me_!”

Troy turns back to his suitcase, throws the lid down and zips it shut. “Go back to your room, Nolan.”

“Troy.” His voice is softer now, and he grabs at Troy’s hand from behind, trying to get him to turn around. “Come on. We’re okay, right, we’re gonna be okay.”

Troy laughs hollowly. “How do you think we’re gonna be okay?” He lets Nolan pull him back to face him, lets Nolan hold his hand. “I’m going to the AL. I’m moving across the continent. When am I going to see you?”

“We got phones.” Nolan’s hand is a vice on Troy’s. “We got the offseason.”

“And you’re going to spend the offseason traveling to see me instead of with your family? You know you don’t want that.” Troy tries to envision Nolan giving up backyard baseball with his brothers and homecooked meals from his mom in favor of visiting Troy. Nolan would do it, sure. Troy doesn’t want him to have to.

Nolan shrugs. “I like spending the offseason with people I love.”

“Don’t do that.” Troy wrenches his hand free.

“Don’t do _what_?” Nolan asks hotly.

“Don’t make it harder,” Troy says. “I’m gone, I don’t know what else you want.”

Nolan glares at him. “So what, you and me – you trying to say it was just convenient?”

Nolan’s getting angry. Good, get angry. Nolan’s going to hurt either way, either now or months down the road when he realizes they can’t make this work, and Troy’s looking for a clean break. Hurt Nolan now and they’ll both hurt less later.

“Don’t bullshit me, Troy,” Nolan says harshly when Troy doesn’t say anything. “I don’t deserve this.”

“Yeah? Neither do I.” Troy heaves his suitcase off the bed. “I really have to get on a plane.”

“Come on, man, don’t do this!” He’s _almost_ pleading, not quite, but close. “You don’t get to decide for both of us!” He practically stamps his foot, like a child throwing a tantrum.

“I don’t get when people say that,” Troy says. “Isn’t that how breakups work?”

Nolan shoves him then, puts his hand on his chest and pushes him back. “Fuck you.” He’s scowling and trying to hide the fact that his eyes are welling up.

Troy shouldn’t be making decisions in the heat of the moment, but he’s doing it anyway. “I have to go.”

“Fine.” Nolan drags his hand down his face. “Go, then.”

Troy goes to the door, Nolan trailing behind him with his face downcast. Just before he opens the door, Troy turns back and tugs Nolan close impulsively, then kisses him. In spite of himself, Nolan slides his arms around Troy’s waist and kisses back, pushing Troy back against the door, kisses him like he thinks maybe it’ll make Troy stay.

It’s out of both of their hands, though. Troy can’t stay. He pulls away from Nolan and untangles himself from his arms. “Bye, Nolan.”  

**Author's Note:**

> I am on [tumblr](https://on-a-kiss-god-knows.tumblr.com/)! Feel free to say hi.


End file.
